Must Be a Typo

Vacationing—or, more specifically, flying on an airplane—affords me opportunities unknown in the remainder of my day-to-day life.  From the irrational anxiety I feel if I’m not at the airport at least an hour before my flight, to submitting to a full-body x-ray for some reason,  to paying $8 for a blueberry muffin, to being berated by a slightly-higher-than-minimum-wage employee because I didn’t take my shoes off fast enough—air travel offers experiences I just can’t get anywhere else.  And thank God for that.

LitterKwitter

The Litter Kwitter System

One more pleasant example is my perusal of the free SkyMall catalog, a periodical packed with insane products that I wouldn’t contemplate for a moment if I were within 20,000 feet of sea level.  Yet, somehow, at altitude, I mull them over.  There are dozens of bad ideas for gifts (or good ideas for bad gifts, depending on your perspective), from Justin Bieber singing toothbrushes to “Litter Kwitter,” a potty-training system for your cat.

Yet, of all the zany items listed this year, there was one that exceeded the implausibility of all the others.

No, it wasn’t a life-sized Bigfoot statue, or an irrational numbers wall clock, or even a “disinfection scanner” to kill hotel bed bacteria.  No, the item in question was a seemingly innocuous autographed basketball in a glass display case. Continue reading

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SitCombat: 1/17/13

SitCombatB2Seems like just yesterday I was writing SitCombat.  It was actually the day before yesterday, thanks to the previously explained hiatus.  30 Rock took an easy win over The Office, but there’s some added competition tonight, courtesy of FX and the season premiere of Archer. Archer had a strong year last season, so a similar effort could present problems for the two NBC shows as we wind down the final few weeks of SitCombat.

Speaking of that, I think it probably makes sense to retire this column once 30 Rock wraps at the end of January. One, I’m sort of tired of writing it after two-plus years. Secondly, it’s not like the internet suffers from a lack of television review blogs.

For now, I’ll keep the SitCombat tradition going.

This was SitCombat for January 17, 2013:

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SitCombat: 1/10/13

SitCombatB2A long hiatus for the SitCombat shows, coupled with a second delay caused by my pursuing other interests last Thursday, means that this is the first edition of SitCombat in over a month. It will also be one of the last editions, as the two primary competitors over the history of this gimmick will both be concluding their final seasons in the not-too-distant future.

For now, 30 Rock and The Office will continue to do battle (to be joined temporarily by Archer when its season cranks up this week) as they say their respective farewells.

This was SitCombat for January 10, 2013:

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About Last Night

I wanted to write something about the Improvised Shakespeare Company performance I was fortunate enough to attend last night, but I need to preface it with this proviso: I’m working on about three hours of train sleep (which equates to approximately 1.5 hours of normal human sleep).  I rode the rails (sans bindle) for six-and-a-half hours yesterday, spent about seven hours in New York City, then took another six-and-a-half hour train back to Richmond at 3:00 a.m.  The fact that it was worth it will become readily apparent in a moment.

The impetus behind this unorthodox itinerary came from a text-message conversation I had with childhood best friend (and occasional podcast guest) Joey Bland.  He had recently been in a special show that was a joint effort between Second City and the Lyric Opera of Chicago.  Long story short, the star of that show was Patrick Stewart[1], and the event incorporated just a taste of improvised Shakespeare.

 Sir Patrick was instantly hooked on the concept.  Things escalated rapidly from there, to the point that, when I texted Joey to ask about how the Lyric Opera show went, he quickly alerted me that “It was awesome.  And here’s the secret awesome part: We’re keeping it quiet, but PS lives in Brooklyn.  We’re headed there to do one of our Shakespeare runs in NYC.  He’s gonna play the show Thursday night.  Unreal.”

I replied, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but, after Thursday, it’s probably all downhill from there.”  This quickly led to many discussions about exploding heads and blown minds.[2]  I realized that the expense and logistics were irrelevant.  I absolutely had to be there.  I mean—I had to be there.

Flash-forward to the big day.  I had done my part by keeping things a secret.  Joey had been sending me occasional texts to fill me in on what was happening, still not believing himself that this surreal chain of events had unfolded in such rapid succession.  Finally, around 8:45 (at which point I had been at the theater for a while, thanks to my paranoia), Joey wrote to say that, “Well, he’s here.  We’ve been chatting for some time.  Insane.”

It was really happening.

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Best of 2012

TheAxisOfEgoFacebookThe Axis of Ego’s second year was a productive one.  This is the 105th and final post of the year, which averages out to a hair over two pieces per week.  Not a bad clip.  As of this writing, the blog has accumulated a little over 31,000 views in 2012, which is good progress.  I checked in at about 26,000 last year, and half of that came in a matter of two or three days from one post.

Here, in chronological order, are my favorite posts from the past twelve months:

An Abridged History of Pro Wrestling’s Ethnic Identity Crisis (1/5):  As the comments section indicates, I think some people misunderstood this one a bit.  For me, it was just a fun look back at how wrestling uses ethnicity (sometimes clumsily) as one tool in its effort to spark fan interest.

What I’ve Learned So Far (1/23):  In a rare moment of introspection, I listed out a few basic tenets and lessons I’ve picked up on in my 30 or so years of sentience.  I normally hate this sort of writing, but I allowed myself this indulgence on my birthday.  I especially like #5, which is the revelation that probably prompted this piece in the first place.

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Science < Ideology

PinkBlueGenderThe last few weeks have provided a veritable cornucopia of off-base commentary and unsophisticated political thought.  From David Dow’s call to impeach Antonin Scalia, to today’s suggestion by the NRA of armed guards in every school, to myriad pundits who have a fundamental misunderstanding of why gun control does or does not work, a wide range of topics have been handled with little grace or acumen.

A story from the New York Times that I first read this evening happens to be the one that finally riled me enough to commit to writing about it.  Part of that is due to timing, and part of it is due to the ease of the target.  I’m certainly not looking to do any heavy lifting this close to Christmas.

So, I’d like to take a look at a few choice quotes from the article, rebutting as I go.  Let’s begin. Continue reading

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Childhood Wish Fulfillment (and Why Movie Theaters Are Doomed)

Tomorrow, December 18th, marks the release of the Neo Geo X, a handheld re-imagining of the Neo Geo video game system.

NeoGeoXPromoThe original Neo Geo (or, more properly, the Neo Geo AVS) was a home console designed and manufactured by SNK.  Introduced in Japan in 1990, SNK released it in the United States the following year.  A company called Tommo, in partnership with current Neo Geo IP holder SNK Playmore, will be releasing the Neo Geo X, a portable version of the original system that doubles as a console via the use of a clever docking station that replicates the look of the original AES.

Despite being a huge fan of video games when I was 12, I never owned a Neo Geo.  Then again, neither did anyone else I knew.  Or many other people in the country, for that matter.  And there was a very good reason for that.

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Culture Trumps All

I was a political science major in college, and many of the upper-level classes in my major dealt specifically with electoral law.  American electoral law, British electoral law, continental European electoral law, comparative electoral law.  I studied systems used by democracies all over the world.

If there was one overriding, take-home message I absorbed from the very fine education I received in that area, it was that . . . electoral law doesn’t really matter.

Well, let me clarify.  That’s not precisely correct.  Electoral law clearly matters, but what I mean is that a nation can take any sort of a system it wants, superimpose it over an existing culture, and that culture will revert back to the old system (or a form of it) unless the change in electoral system is accompanied by a shift in cultural norms as well.

A concrete example may be found in many parts of the Middle East, where cultural tribalism and authoritarian religious fundamentalism informs nearly every aspect of life there.  Nations in which “democracy” has been infused by Western powers usually revert to non-democratic regimes, either through a form of theocracy, a thinly-veiled dictatorship, or some combination of the two.

I bring this up because I think the same holds true for the law of gun control.

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Christmas Shopping = Complete

Divining gift ideas gets less fun and more difficult as we get older.  One reason for this phenomenon is that people get grandfathered into our gift-giving list for years after we stop seeing them on a regular basis.  Of the people for whom I’ll be buying gifts this year, over 50% of that elite group are in the same room as I am approximately once a year.

So, you can imagine my elation when I was browsing the featured books at Barnes & Noble this week, when the solution to this problem appeared before me.  There, front and center among the books in the biography section, was this Christmas gift panacea:


KeshaBiography


I purchased every copy they had.

So, friends and relatives, please be advised that you will be receiving the definitely-not-ghostwritten autobiography of 25-year-old waitress-turned-“singer” Ke$ha, entitled My Crazy Beautiful Life.  This 192-page tome is packed with dozens of exclusive photos from the road, as well as a detailed account of Ke$ha’s rags-to-riches tale.

But don’t take my word for it.  Here’s Ke$ha—in her own words:

In less than three years, I’ve gone from being the worst waitress in LA to living out my childhood dreams of singing my songs to people all over the world. Sometimes, it feels as if the last few years have encompassed a few decades. . . . You might have heard my voice on the radio, seen me onstage and on the red carpet, or in a music video, but that’s only a part of the story. In these pages, I’m revealing a more complete picture of what my life is really like. It’s not all glamorous and it’s not all pretty, but it’s all real. . . . I want you to come on a whirlwind journey with an all-access pass to My Crazy Beautiful Life.”

What more can you say?  If you’re not sold after reading that, I would humbly direct you to Ke$ha’s Wikipedia page, which astutely points out that “Ke$ha’s debut single combines yodeling and video game music, with its lyricism centering around alcohol consumption and parties.”

You’re welcome.

Merry Christmas!

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SitCombat: 12/6/12

SitCombatB230 Rock won back its crown (with a wedding episode, no less!), turning back a decent effort from The Office and a mediocre League.  I hate writing these intro parts, so let’s just dive right in, shall we?

We get a bonus episode of The League tonight, so I have four shows to review.

This was SitCombat for December 6, 2012:

30 Rock (NBC) – “My Whole Life is Thunder”

Tonight’s Episode: Jenna is none-too-pleased when she finds out that Liz got married so close to her own wedding, Jack deals with his ongoing mother-related issues, and Tracy tries to cheer Kenneth up after his break-up with Hazel.

Good Stuff: “You got married?!?  To what?” . . . “Hathanobody” . . . “I’m 42, Cerie.” “I don’t know what that is” . . . 80 Under 80 . . . “Backslash ‘Garbage File?!?’” . . . “She insists on traveling on Pearl Harbor Day to, and I quote, ‘show the Emperor we’re not afraid’”. . . “Do you have any idea where she is, little boy?” . . . “I told the black guy – no Brady stuff!” . . . Liz’s picture in the program . . . Jack’s three appropriate subjects of paintings: (1) horses, (2) ships with sails, (3) men holding up swords while staring off into the distance . . . “Apex Technical School puts students first…(turns to camera) and the perfect time to enroll is NOW!” . . . I loved that all the women at the Women in Media banquet went to the bathroom together and can’t figure out A/V equipment . . . “It’s all right! The lack of oxygen is making me orgasm!” . . . I think killing off Jack’s mom was the right call. It gave the character closure, and I think it was the right time to wrap things up from Elaine Stritch’s perspective . . . “Jenna! I mean…Liz” . . . “Where else but real life would a millionaire movie star care so much about a Hillbilly janitor that he would spend two days trying to cheer him up?” . . . Frank’s “APPROPRIATE” hat . . . “The man who, in 1984, wore a tuxedo so well that he broke up the Go-Go’s” . . . Reverend Gimp was definitely voiced by Lorne Michaels.

Non-good Stuff: The Jenna “Abusive / crazy male from my past doing something outrageous to me” lines are getting a little “mad-libby” . . . The Oprah stuff doesn’t really resonate with me.

Line of the Night: “Someone’s looking lovely today! . . . What a burn. I could have meant someone else…although I didn’t. She’s radient!” – Kenneth, trying to be mean (and failing)

Overall: Good show. I loved a lot of the little things, like Dot Com’s line about Apex Technical. I think ending the Mrs. Donaghy storyline is appropriate at this point in Elaine Stritch’s life, not to mention the increasingly-limited life of the show itself. There weren’t as many huge laughs as last week, though. This was a good, solid, all-around episode with lots of fun cameos, but the highs weren’t as high as the best shows that the 30 Rock writers create, possibly because a character, you know, died on the show.

GRADE: B

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