The Axis of Ego

Here’s a video that’s been making the rounds over the past few days.  Watch it first:

The most remarkable thing about this footage is the complete inability of anyone at this soccer match in Turkey to get the dog off the field.  At the 0:30 mark, an official decides the best way to move a German Shepherd is to pick it up by the ankles and carry it off (naturally, it becomes apparent within two seconds that this is a terrible idea).  The next method employed is dragging by the collar.  This is a slight upgrade, but still ineffective.

Then, around the 1:10 mark, another official seems to have the bright idea “Well, maybe if I rub his belly for a while, the dog will leave voluntarily!”  Two of the players join in for some triple-team belly-rubbing, but, of course, this goes nowhere.

Most glaring: The people involved in this match appear as though they are entirely unfamiliar with the concept of a “leash.”

In fact, shortly after the belly-rubbing commences, the David Brent-sounding announcer helpfully reiterates that someone needs to “pick it up . . . and escort it from the field of play.”  Incredibly, two of the players do just that, despite the fact that German Shepherds often don’t particularly enjoy being picked up and carried places.  They are not lap dogs.

Finally, a couple of players manage to hoist the dog up and remove it from the field of play, much to the delight of the eight fans in attendance.  Still, the dog nearly escapes from officials and returns to the field, since they have no way of fully capturing the animal.

Anyway, there’s some money to be made for anyone wanting to introduce leash technology to Europe and/or Asia Minor.  (You’re welcome)