Let’s Look at Some Pictures of Puppies

2016 has been a rough year in nearly every way imaginable.

I wish that I could say things are looking up.  Yet, I find my customary optimism waning as even foreseeable events (particularly one in November) have the potential to add to our cycle of misery, to say nothing of events we can’t possibly anticipate.

That’s why I want to talk about puppies today.

!cid__0505000045For the last several years that I lived in Richmond, I was very involved with an organization called Bonnie Blue Rescue.  The pet rescue service found animals from all around the country (mostly the southeast) that needed foster homes.  A lot of them had special needs.  The goal, of course, was to find “forever” homes for these creatures.

Here are pictures of some of the first animals I fostered, a pair of Weimaraner / Lab mixes named Barney and Macy.  Barney showed up first, all eight pounds or so of him.  He looked like his skin was two sizes too big.  His sister showed up a couple of weeks later, and they were inseparable from that point forward.

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Revivalism is Here to Save the Internet

I thought I understood podcasting.  Then I listened to Revivalism: Busk.

The series, from Goat Rodeo DC, a Washington-based audio and podcast network, follows a cross-country road trip that explores a fading but distinctive sliver of American culture: Professional street musicians, also known as “buskers.”

RevivalismLogoThe four episodes released to date cover Asheville (NC), Oxford (MS), and New Orleans (in two parts).  Each one features an intimate look at a small number of artists—sometimes a single musician—making a living as a street performer.

It sometimes isn’t pretty.  But it is always authentic and powerful.

Several things about Revivalism are remarkable.

As you might guess, music is thoroughly woven into each episode.  Often, the music bookends stories told by the artists during interviews, adding implicit meaning to their songs.  You can hear the love, the pain, the triumphs, and the struggles in the strain of every note.  It overflows from their instruments and voices.

Yet, the most compelling element of Revivalism isn’t the music.  It’s the stories.  And, more to the point, the magic is in the expert storytelling of the hosts / interviewers / narrators, Ian Enright and Carlisle Sargent.

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The Jerry Remy Phase-Out Has Begun

A year after NESN’s beloved (and local) play-by-play announcer Don Orsillo got the boot, NESN’s beloved (and local) color commentator Jerry Remy appears headed for the same fate.

This is all speculation on my part, of course.  Actually, let’s upgrade “speculation” to “an educated guess.”  There are certainly some tells.

Recall last year that there was a lot of talk about what would happen to Remy in the wake of the departure of his longtime on-air partner.  NESN was thoroughly non-committal.  Already deflecting heat for Orsillo’s removal in favor of Dave O’Brien, the network eventually decided to put Remy back on the air.

Not Pictured: Subtlety

Not Pictured: Subtlety

However, Remy has endured an unquestionably reduced role.  He’s shared the booth at times, and surrendered it altogether at others.

The primary beneficiary of that reduced role has been Steve Lyons, a very good studio analyst who nevertheless lacks much of Remy’s charm as a color man.

It also doesn’t help that Lyons resembles Better Call Saul‘s Howard Hamlin.

Remy’s demotion-without-calling-it-a-demotion, including his absence on a key road trip to Yankee Stadium in favor of Lyons, might be chalked up as either NESN policy or a health precaution.  After all, NESN has made its announcers take mandatory, in-season breaks of late (which was a bone of contention for Orsillo before he left).

Remy has also battled health problems the last few years that have seen him miss long spans of games intermittently.  If Orsillo were still in the booth, Remy’s shrinking workload could easily be attributed to a genuine concern over his long-term well-being.

Remy02

By August, Remy may be broadcasting from the concession stand.

But context counts for something.  And the biggest tip-off that Lyons is being groomed as Remy’s replacement came during a recent game at Fenway.  Before Boston tangled with the Colorado Rockies, the club honored the 1986 Red Sox.

The NESN highlight package of that ceremony showed a montage of ’86 Sox greats like Jim Rice, Roger Clemens, and Wade Boggs taking the field.

Conspicuous by his presence was Steve Lyons.

For those who may not know or recall, Lyons was technically a member of the 1986 Red Sox.

Until he was traded.

In June.

For Tom Seaver.

While guys like Clemens, Boggs, and Rice were part of the nucleus that powered Boston to the pennant, Lyons was hitting a cool .203 as a part-timer with the White Sox.

The point being that NESN–80 percent of which is owned by the Red Sox–is attempting to “retcon” Lyons as an integral part of team lore.  That way, when he replaces Remy in 2017, the network and the team can imply that the transition is a lateral move: They’re simply swapping out one Red Sox legend for another.

Naturally, the fans won’t buy it.

But that didn’t matter with Orsillo, did it?

If I’m running Fox Sports San Diego, I call Remy in November and tell him to name his price.

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Timely Movie Review: The Force Awakens

We’ve all seen it by now, right?

With this week’s blu-ray / digital release of The Force Awakens indicating that a reasonable time has elapsed, and since nobody else in the world has written anything online about Episode VII, I thought I would scratch out a few notions.

1. I liked it a lot.  It’s a very good movie.  I had the opportunity to revisit the series the week before I saw Episode VII, and I think The Force Awakens ranks only behind Empire Strikes Back and A New Hope for me now.

2. This is the kind of thing only a nerd like me thinks about, but I’m really glad Disney was mentioned solely in the closing credits.  Kudos to them for having enough humility to realize that putting the customary, metaphorical mouse ears on everything would be jarring to longtime fans of the series.

3. I think my favorite character was Poe Dameron, but that might just be because we got the right “dose” of him.

4. I liked Finn, but he seemed to be scared of his own shadow.  He’s definitely one of the more unsure heroes in the entire franchise.

5. On the flipside, I think Rey was a little TOO courageous—not to mention instantly great at everything.   One review humorously analogized her to John Cena, which is surprisingly accurate.  I think Rey’s talents needed to be toned down just a hair, and Finn’s courage needed to be bumped up just a bit.

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Let’s All Make Fun of Tom’s Brackets (2016 Edition)

I don’t even watch college basketball at this point.

ncaa-logoThe closest I’ll get is taking in the competitive portion of a Richmond / VCU game.  Beyond checking a Spider box score now and then, or watching some amazing buzzer-beater that ESPN retweets, I’m out until March.

It should come as no surprise, then, that my March Madness brackets this year will be undoubtedly, irrefutably, unquestionably horrible.

What may come as a surprise is the fact that I still maintain the now-inexplicable practice of filling out (and paying for!) multiple brackets to enter in my friend’s pool every year.  Because why not throw worse money after bad?

Here they are:
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Crossroads for the GOP; WWE

TrumpMcMahonThe GOP has a problem.

The WWE has a problem.

It’s the same problem.

With WrestleMania 32 taking place in Dallas in just a few weeks, the WWE finds itself in what has become familiar territory in recent years: Its biggest show is saddled with a card that isn’t to the liking of much of its fanbase.

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This Should Be Marco Rubio’s Closing Statement Tonight

Screen Shot 2016-03-10 at 4.52.52 PMIf I were writing for him, it would look something like this:

When I began this campaign, I believed with all my heart that I was the candidate who could lead this country into a New American Century.  This journey has only reinforced that belief.

Yet, as important as becoming president is to me, it is not as important as the even bigger goal of doing whatever I can to make our country stronger.

So, instead of a final sales pitch, I would rather use my remaining time to say that there is nothing more crucial than for Republicans to stop Donald Trump from representing our party.

In no uncertain terms, then: I denounce him.  I denounce his message.  I denounce his tactics.  And I denounce his campaign.

In light of recent—and not-so-recent—events, I furthermore revoke my pledge to support him if he is the nominee.  And, if I am the nominee, I will refuse his support, even if he offers it.

My duty to my party is strong.  But my duty to my country is stronger.  I am an American above all else.

That means I must take whatever legal, ethical, and moral action is necessary to stop this man from poisoning conservatism—and from poisoning the United States.

Thank you.  And God Bless America.

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Tom Garrett for Supreme Court Justice

In the wake of the death of the most brilliant legal mind of my lifetime, we’ve already drowned in stories ranging from simple political posturing to outright grave-dancing.

President Obama should select a nominee for the Supreme Court.  Failing to do so would be rather peculiar.  Then-Senator Biden was wrong in 1992.  Senator Schumer was wrong in 2007.  Senator McConnell is wrong now.  And then-Senator Obama was wrong in 2006.

His agreeing to ride out his term without attempting to fill the vacancy caused by Justice Scalia‘s death also doesn’t help Republicans politically, despite what the GOP may believe.

Not only would an Obama nominee likely provoke Republican voter ire, but stalling until 2017 is a major gamble for the GOP.  Filibustering Obama’s nominee would make a Democratic victory more likely in November, and a Clinton or Sanders nominee would almost certainly be more disagreeable than whomever Obama nominates to take the open spot.

What happens then?  Do Republicans say they’ll wait four years before returning the Court to full size?

And let’s not even contemplate what a Trump Supreme Court nominee might look like.

The smarter play might be to hope Obama nominates a reasonably acceptable justice—possibly after first nominating Eric Holder or Loretta Lynch as a stalking horse—confirm that acceptable justice, then replace Ginsburg with a “conservative” if a Republican wins the White House this fall.

Portrait of the future

Disturbing painting? Wrong.  Inspirational painting.

If, however, Obama nominates a “liberal,” then the GOP can absolutely reject the nominee and suffer no political fallout for doing so.  And they can also just show that clip over and over.  But outright obstinance and blind rejection of any nominee is tactical insanity.

As I was pondering all of this, it occurred to me who the ideal nominee would be, from the perspective of both sides—as well as from the perspective of the best interests of our Republic.

Me.

Before you scoff (too late, I know), consider the following ironclad arguments that make me the obvious choice.

Nine of them, appropriately enough:

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Understanding Scalia

With the passing of Justice Antonin Scalia, it’s worth revisiting this piece from 2013, in which I attempted to explain his (often misunderstood) legal philosophy, as well as his brilliance.

As I said at the time, however: “When he’s gone, his critics will rejoice at the opportunity to shovel rhetorical dirt (or worse) on his coffin. But those who truly understand his philosophy, even if they disagree with it, will be able to see the purity and consistency of same.”

Tom Garrett's avatarThe Axis of Ego

ScaliaLibraryJustice Antonin Scalia authored a Supreme Court opinion published today that curtailed certain kinds of police searches using drug-sniffing dogs.  The holding in Florida v. Jardines was that such searches are unconstitutional and a violation of the rights secured by the Fourth Amendment.  Scalia notably lead a 5-4 majority that included “liberal” justices Elena Kagan, Sonia Sotomayor, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, in opposition to the “conservative” minority that included Chief Justice Roberts and justices Samuel Alito and Anthony Kennedy (along with Stephen Breyer).

Don’t expect to hear all that much about this decision in the days to come.

No, the primary thrust of the Scalia-related coverage over the next week will be what an intolerant, ignorant monster he is.  He’ll be roundly criticized for his judicial philosophy by people who have never so much as read the entirety of the Constitution.  A few choice quotes will be bandied about…

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Untitled Online Dating Article

BurningLaptopI say every year around birthday time that I permit myself one post that actually relates to some aspect of my life.  This is a break from my usual, ironclad rule.  I think it’s incontrovertible fact that everyday people blogging about their lives is not only boring, but wildly narcissistic.

While I’m plenty boring, I lack the requisite narcissism to drone on about my uneventful life on a regular basis.

My one indulgence for 2016 is to discuss the observations I’ve amassed from over two years of immersing myself in the mildly distasteful world of online dating.

Lower your expectations.  I don’t have any crazy stories.  One, I’m a goody-goody (and boring—see above).  Two, I’m very selective.  Three, I’m actually pretty good on dates, especially first dates.  I don’t get nervous, and I don’t act weird hide my weirdness well.

All of that means that I’ve never had any dates that ended in acts of insanity or criminality by either party.  They’ve almost all been C+/B- experiences.  No complaints, but neither great enough nor bad enough to pass the tales down to future generations.  I don’t have an unkind word to say about any of the women I’ve dated.

As such, my observations are general, not personal.  I will say that a lot has changed in the last two-plus years.  As a naive and (VERY) reluctant newcomer to the world of online dating, I had a lot to learn.  Hell, back in 2013, I actually thought referencing an affinity for the Oxford comma in a profile summary was mildly clever.  Then I saw 500 other people do it, and it became less so.

Here’s a rundown . . .

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