Justin Bieber: A Narrative Lyrical Analysis

Posted on February 15, 2011 by Tom Garrett

On the heels of one of the greatest injustices in recorded human history, I now turn my attention to the incomparable Justin Drew Bieber.  I referred to Lady Gaga as a “near-prodigy” last week. There’s no qualifier necessary for Bieber.  His is a gift in which we all share.  Since his discovery as a thirteen-year-old, Justin Bieber has quickly emerged as Canada’s greatest entertainer since Alan Thicke and its greatest songwriter since Paul Shaffer.

His most successful single to date is the 2010 hit “Baby.”  Perhaps the strongest indicator of Bieber’s preeminence is that the video for “Baby” is the most-watched clip in the history of YouTube.  Not sneezing panda.  Not basketball trampoline.  Not evolution of dance.  Not Charlie bit my finger.  Justin Bieber.

Yet, as successful as Bieber has been, his mercurial, reclusive nature coupled with his impenetrable lyrical style has prevented him from yet achieving a number one single in these United States.  In an effort to advance the cause of Bieber, I present the following narrative lyrical analysis of his biggest hit to date:

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The Axis of Ego Podcast: February 14, 2011

Posted on February 14, 2011 by The Axis of Ego

The latest podcast from Tom and Mike is all over the map – literally!  Take a listen as the two discuss everything from the current state of affairs in Egypt (not too many laughs in that portion of the podcast) and cultural imperialism to the Super Bowl to the future of The Office to . . . Miley Cyrus’ new tattoo?  Ugh.  And, yet, through it all, they somehow manage to overlook the fact that it’s Valentine’s Day.  Ritalin might help the next edition of this podcast.  More tags than ever!  Enjoy!

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An Entirely Qualified White Professional Previews this Year’s Grammy Nominees (Rap Categories)

Posted on February 13, 2011 by Mike Austin

There are many benefits to living in a post-racial society:  The rise of the minority-owned business, political de-polarization, proliferation of “possession receivers” in the NFL, King Magazine, etc.  One important benefit (to me, at least) is that a thirty-something, well-to-do white guy is perfectly qualified to comment on state of rap music.   Sure, I’ve only listened to rap music as a cultural voyeur with no real-life exposure to the hip-hop lifestyle, but so what?  Rick Ross was a cop.  So, suck on that, Kevin Powell.

With 16 nominations from both Eminem and Jay-Z, the 2011 Grammy Awards is loading on up on the hip-hop.  And with good reason.  According to SoundScan, all music sales dropped 2.4% in 2010, with one notable exception:  Rap/Hip-Hop, which actually increased by 3%.  As a consequence, the Academy is finally taking notice of the genre, which saw the release of a number of critically and commercially successful records this year.  As such, I am breaking-down the rap-related categories from this year’s show in the most thugged-out 2500 words you will read this year.  So, sit back and enjoy my explicit content.

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Posted in Commentary, Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

SitCombat

Posted on February 11, 2011 by Tom Garrett

I only watch about eight television shows on anything resembling a regular basis.  I realized recently that three of those shows are sitcoms airing on Thursday nights.

I usually watch all three and informally think to myself, “Show X won the night.”  Because I’m always looking for new content ideas, I figured there was no good reason not to make this a regular feature on The Axis of Ego.  On the other hand, there are several reasons to make this a regular feature.  Among them, (1) I’m going to be watching all three shows anyway, (2) formulaic pieces are easier to write (see, e.g., my entire sportswriting career), and (3) it gives me guaranteed content for the late-week spot, taking pressure off for Saturdays.

Put simply: I’m lazy, and this is easy and fun to do.

Let’s see how the three shows in question stacked up last night:

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One Space, Two Space, Red Face, Typeface

Posted on February 10, 2011 by Tom Garrett

I’m normally an even-tempered person.  If I fly off the handle, I assure you that it’s for comedic effect only.  In reality, I’m the guy who doesn’t get emotional about politics or religion or the other fundamental building blocks of our society.

However, once in a great while, an issue comes along that strikes such an emotional chord with me that I feel compelled to address it in an immediate and forceful manner.

Whether to put one space or two at the end of sentences is one such issue.

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Posted in Commentary, General Culture and News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Lady Gaga’s “Telephone”: A Narrative Lyrical Analysis

Posted on February 8, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Lady Gaga.*  Two words synonymous with “Understated songwriting.”

Tackling the subtleties of the work of a performer with a proverbial finger on the very pulse of popular culture can modestly be described as daunting.  Yet, that’s what we’ve attempted.

The subject will be Gaga’s 2010 hit “Telephone.”  While anti-Gaga blasphemers and iconoclasts might label the song as chorus-heavy and repetitive, they fail to appreciate the intricate and powerful story that unfolds throughout her magnificent verses.

The multi-level analysis proved too challenging for one person to handle.  That’s why I’ve enlisted the help of Mike Austin to expedite the deconstruction.   He’ll be interpreting the Beyonce** portion of “Telephone” (marked by blue text) as the two of us explore the weighty undercurrents that flow through this cultural touchstone.

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Posted in Commentary, Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Random Jaw-Dropping 80’s Moment

Posted on February 7, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Saturday Night Live circa 1989:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The most amazing part of the show was actually the monologue, in which Gibson said the following:

“As I stand here, I realize that, in a live broadcast like this, something could go terribly wrong, and I could end up alienating millions of movie-going patrons . . . and you may be wondering why I would jeopardize all that I’ve worked for . . . So, why did I agree to host this show?  Because, sometimes, I just don’t think things through.  I mean, if someone calls and says, ‘Hey, you wanna host Saturday Night Live?,’ I say, ‘Sure!’ without even considering the potentially disastrous effect on my real job – a movie star.”

It’s comforting to look back twenty-odd years and be thankful that he dodged that bullet.

Posted in Commentary, Pictures, Television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Podcast Numero Dos

Posted on February 6, 2011 by The Axis of Ego

Tom and Mike (in studio!) talk a little football (but not much), the Grammys, and the website itself.  Take a listen below:

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Slapdash Super Bowl XLV Preview

Posted on February 6, 2011 by Tom Garrett

The same slapdash rules apply to this Super Bowl preview as did my (surprisingly-accurate) conference championship previews: No serious research, just bloggy ramblings off the top of my head.  Setting the bar low . . .

The most surprising subplot for me in this year’s Super Bowl is the fact that Green Bay is somehow a favorite.  I’m not even talking about the Vegas oddsmakers.*   I saw an ESPN SportsNation poll this week where the consensus in about 47 states was that Green Bay was going to win.  This makes little sense.

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Breaking Down “The Chaperone” Trailer

Posted on February 4, 2011 by Tom Garrett

No one here questions the credentials of Paul Levesque (a/k/a Triple H) as a sports entertainer.  He’s among the most successful performers of his generation.  Levesque (a/k/a Hunter Hearst Helmsley) has a tremendous physique, is a good worker inside the ring, is able to present even the more outlandish storylines in a convincing manner, gives solid interviews, and, health permitting, will almost certainly retire with more world title reigns than any of the athletic thespians who have graced the squared circle.

But the question of whether Levesque (a/k/a the Game) is a good performer as a main event pro wrestler is a much different one than whether he can perform well as a starring actor by feature film standards.

That, however, is a question that we’re about to have answered.

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Posted in Commentary, Movies, Videos | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments