Evacuate the Dancefloor: A Narrative Lyrical Analysis

Posted on March 8, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Recent protests and upheaval in the Middle East, juxtaposed against our own military presence in the region, call to mind yet again the far-reaching geopolitical implications of these events. Specifically, will the seeming democratization of that part of the world foster greater understanding between and among peoples, leading to a reduced threat of terrorism?  Or will the uprisings themselves merely allow radical movements to bubble to the surface and, in some cases, replace America-tolerant dictators with regimes more hostile to our interests and security?  And, is the extension of the PATRIOT Act a victory for strident opponents of terrorism, or merely yet another blow to our waning civil liberties?

With these themes serving as an apropos backdrop, I can think of no better time to present a lyrical analysis of Cascada’s “Evacuate the Dancefloor.”
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Attention, Strangers: Buy My Unborn Child These Things

Posted on March 7, 2011 by Mike Austin

Many thanks to those loyal Axis of Ego readers who recently emailed me to bid congratulations on my impending procreation.  Some of you have also asked (very thoughtfully) where this precocious foetus is registered.  Let me stop you there.

Yes, the wife did register said baby at all of the typical national-chain retail stores.  Her registry includes every critical newborn essential, like the Bright Starts Teensy Turtle Cradling Bouncer (Blue), the BabyPro QuickServe Bottle, and four different varieties of stroller (for various terrains).

Fans of the A-of-E may find such gifts a bit pedestrian.  Therefore, as a service to those wishing to lavish me with awesome baby gifts, I have set up my own registry here at our humble blog.  But whether you’re looking for me, or that other pedantic, rap-obsessed wrestling fan you know, consider these truly inspirational baby gifts:

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The Blogroll

Posted on March 5, 2011 by Tom Garrett

You may have noticed that this glorified blog has a glorified blogroll along the right sidebar, “cleverly” titled “Axis’ Allies.”  Since there’s nothing more there than the name of each site, and the list is buried under a half-dozen other widgets, I thought I would take some time to explain what each one is.  I think taking a look at any or all of them would be worth your while.

Bonnieblue Rescue: A dog rescue service with which I’ve worked on occasion for the past couple of years.  The basic premise is that they take dogs that are about to be euthanized or are otherwise rescued, get those dogs into foster care (that’s where I sometimes come in), and then find permanent homes for them.  It’s a great cause, and, if nothing else, there are lots of pictures of cute puppies on the blog.  You know—if you’re into that sort of thing.

Sons of the Sports Guy: If you’re on this website, that probably means one of two things. Either you’re a personal friend of mine who visits the site to support my pipe dreams, or you’re a fan of websites that cover a broad range of cultural topics.  If you’re in the latter camp, the Sons of the Sports Guy may be for you.  It’s a messageboard/forum site with a thread for just about everything.  The site is well-organized into topic headings, and breaks down into more detail from there.  Sports, television, music, movies, and much more.  It also has a dedicated community of regular posters, each with his own particular sensibilities that add to the fun.

The Cheats Movement: This is a very cool photoblog run by a good friend of mine.  He gets to travel often due to his job, and he normally documents his visits to various parts of the country.  There’s also a lot of Richmond-related content as well.  The site design is fantastic, and it’s a great way to spend ten minutes or more flipping through photos.

The Culturephiles: Run by three very talented Chicago-based improvisors / comedy actors, this blog mostly features reviews of music, literature, and film, but also adds the occasional performance piece or other commentary.  These guys are all intelligent writers, and the only reason I don’t spend even more time on their blog is that I’m not familiar with a lot of the music (because my tastes are a little broader) or literature (because I’m woefully un-erudite) about which they write.  Definitely worth a look, and always funny.

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SitCombat: 3/3/11

Posted on March 4, 2011 by Tom Garrett

We have an abbreviated edition of SitCombat this week, as NBC pulled a fast one, showing six consecutive episodes of the Office. All were reruns.

So, while I would normally review all three series, even if only some were airing first-run episodes, the fact that 30 Rock didn’t air at all, while I have six episodes of the Office from which to choose, places a very large asterisk beside this week’s edition.

With that in mind, I’ll pick one episode of the Office at random to go up against the all-new Archer:

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Demographic Maps Are Educational, Pretty

Posted on March 3, 2011 by Tom Garrett

This isn’t particularly timely.  It could fairly be called “old news.”  But my discovery of Eric Fischer’s demographic maps predates the birth of this site.  So, I’m running it now.

Here’s what you need to know:  Each map is a detailed representation of a given city’s ethnic demography based on data from the 2000 census.  One dot equals 25 people.  The different colors you see represent different ethnicity.  Magenta dots are white people, blue dots are black people, green dots are Asian people, and orange dots are Hispanic people.  Gray is “other,” which I assume means these guys.  You can click on any of the pictures below to open a much larger version.

My own hometown of Richmond, VA

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The Mel Gibson Comeback Special

Posted on March 2, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Gather ’round, children, and prick up your ears for this tale of redemption.

Mel Gibson’s upcoming film “The Beaver”* represents a make-or-break** comeback attempt for the erstwhile Sexiest Man Alive.  Rather than explain the premise, I present the self-explanatory trailer for the film:

I can’t lie.  I hope Mel Gibson revitalizes (or at least salvages) his career.  I’m not saying I’m an admirer of his on a personal level, nor am I saying I would want to take a road trip with the guy.  But he’s made a lot of movies I’ve enjoyed, and, much in the same way that Michael Vick continues to be a compelling football player, or Michael Jackson’s music will always resonate with me, Gibson remains an intriguing performer.  He’s talented (you’re kidding yourself if you pretend otherwise), and I like talent.

All of that said, I think the studio behind “The Beaver” is about to botch a golden bronze opportunity.

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Iran: “Logo No-Go!”

Posted on March 1, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Undoubtedly feeling threatened by the unprecedented public craziness of Charlie Sheen during the last week, well-credentialed insanity hotbed Iran issued a warning to the International Olympic Committee regarding . . . am I reading this right? . . . regarding the logo used by the 2012 games in London.

Bahram Afshazadeh, the secretary general of Iran’s National Olympic Committee, said in a letter to the IOC, “We have a National Olympic Committee?”

Just kidding.  He actually said that the logo for the 2012 Summer Olympics not-so-secretly spells out the word “ZION,” and is, in his words, a “racist logo.”  He proceeded to threaten(?) to boycott the London games. He also called for other Muslim states to oppose the logo.

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The Axis of Ego Podcast: 2-28-11

Posted on February 28, 2011 by The Axis of Ego

The end of February brings with it an eclectic podcast.  Tom and Mike discuss all of the following things, although not necessarily in this order: (1) Highlights from the past week on The Axis of Ego, (2) Mike’s favorite mammals, (3) Tom’s “come to Jesus” moment vis a vis John Cena and the moral high ground upon which he stands, (4) Mike’s tactics for enticing female interaction that have been subsequently rendered moot by the miracle of modern technology, (5) a debate over whether or not cabbits exist.  Plus much more.

Far more exciting even than the description above makes it sound, here’s this week’s podcast:

Download: The Axis of Ego Podcast 02-28-11

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Sunday Spambag

Posted on February 27, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Those of you who have been following this site with any regularity undoubtedly know that there are many ways to interact with the Axis of Ego.  We have an e-mail account, comments options on the blog itself, as well as a Twitter account that I have unapologetically promoted to no avail.*

I had anticipated one day rolling out a “reader mail” or “best of feedback” column that would run periodically.  The idea would be to present and respond to the most interesting or relevant questions from readers (in addition to my normal diligence in responding to comment threads within each post).

As we are too early on in the process to generate the volume of good feedback required for such an undertaking, I choose instead to respond to what we actually have received.  If life gives you spam, you have to make spamonade:

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Random Jaw-Dropping 80’s Moment: The Hitler Rap

Posted on February 26, 2011 by Tom Garrett

I’m pretty confident this wouldn’t fly today.

As part of the soundtrack to his 1983 movie “To Be or Not to Be,” Mel Brooks recorded (as Hitler!) a Fuhrer-themed rap song entitled “To Be or Not to Be (The Hitler Rap).”  I have a few thoughts, but, first, here it is in all its glory:

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I’m uncertain about which of the following is the most amazing facet of this pop culture artifact:

1. The intro features dancers breathlessly singing “Sieg Heil” over and over.

2. Not only is Mel Brooks rapping as Hitler, but he’s rapping as Hitler while also using the patented “Mel Brooks black voice.”

3. This song made it all the way to number twelve on the UK Singles Chart. Two spots short of being a Top Ten hit.  It reached #3 in Australia, #2 in Sweden, and #1 in Norway!

4. It’s actually a fairly detailed and more-accurate-than-you-would-expect rundown of the history surrounding World War II in Europe.

5. It’s always sounded an awful lot to me like a slowed-down version of Carl Carlton’s “She’s a Bad Mama Jama” with just a touch of Taco’s version of Puttin’ on the Ritz.

6. The lyrics include the following lines: “We had an election.  Well – kinda, sorta.  And before you knew it – Hello, New Order!” and “I drank wine from the Rhine with the finest ladies / And we did it in the back of my black Mercedes.”

7. The lyrical version of the Hitler account ends, after a tease of suicide, not with death, but with a “one-way ticket to Argentina!”

I feel like there aren’t enough exclamation points in the world to convey my mixed feelings of confusion, astonishment, and admiration adequately.

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