Highfalutin’ Legalisms and the Super Bowl

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Mike Austin

If you watch any television at all this time of year, you’ll undoubtedly notice the awkward phrasing of certain commercials that euphemistically refer to the Super Bowl as “the Big Game” or “Football Sunday.”  As a licensed practitioner of the law, I can explain:  Each year, the NFL accounting team severely overestimates the “legal services” line-item in its annual budget.  As a result, “NFL Legal” fulfills its billable hour quota by drafting cease-and-desist letters for regional mattress chains and pizza shops.

This year, the NFL legal team will continue to justify its existence by aggressively enforcing its trademark in the term “Super Bowl” against advertisers using the phrase in their promotional material.  Of course, media outlets may continue to make use of the mark in news stories or other noncommercial discussions per the doctrine of fair use.  Fortunately for the A of E, our blog is as “noncommercial” as it gets.

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Two and a Half Memo

Posted on February 2, 2011 by Tom Garrett

The shocking news this week that Charlie Sheen had once again endured a run-in with substance abuse a hernia prompted CBS to take swift, internal action related to Sheen’s hit television show, Two and a Half Men.   The cash cow sitcom generates an amazing $3.1 million per episode in advertising revenue alone, a staggering figure in a modern media environment marked by audiences fragmented into paper-thin slivers.  With the importance of the centerpiece show in mind, CBS circulated a memo concerning the future of the series to senior staff members of Two and a Half Men.

Fortunately, The Axis of Ego has obtained a copy of this memo.
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Miley Cyrus: A Narrative Lyrical Analysis

Posted on February 1, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Miley CyrusDue to the multi-layered and largely cryptic messages used by musical sensation Miley Cyrus* in her compositions, I’ve decided to provide a Rosetta-Stone-esque primer for one of her songs: “Party in the U.S.A.”   This thought-provoking piece has had me ensnared by its complex lyrics since I first heard it last spring.**

Countless hours of work spent deciphering “Party in the U.S.A.” have paid off, as I proudly present the lyrical analysis you see below.  My one and only hope is that it will make Cyrus’ often enigmatic music more accessible to a wider audience, helping to bring her songs out of hipster cafes and upper-level music theory classes and into the mainstream.

Here, now, a narrative explanation of “Party in the U.S.A.”
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Posted in Commentary, Music | Tagged , , , , , , | 174 Comments

At Long Last: A Podcast

Posted on January 30, 2011 by The Axis of Ego

Those of you who have waited patiently for the two whole weeks that this site has been in existence must wait no longer: We’re created our first podcast.  In today’s edition, Tom and Mike talk about a wide variety of topics spanning 40 minutes or so, including figure skating, baby training, college basketball, social media prudence, and the site itself.

Here’s our first effort: 

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Good Copt, Bad Copt

Posted on January 30, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Two schools of popular thought seem to be emerging in response to the current explosive situation in Egypt:

One, this is a long-overdue spasm of democracy in a region starved for it.  The sham elections will be at an end.  The dictators in all-but-name-only will fade into history sooner rather than later.  This is good news for the United States, as democracy has a chance to survive when it’s not being imposed by us at the end of a war.

Orrrrrrrr . . .

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Posted in Commentary, General Culture and News, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Podcasting Update

Posted on January 29, 2011 by The Axis of Ego

Those of you who either read the introductory mission statement, or who have noticed that pesky and unused “Podcasts” button at the top of this page, may be wondering what’s happening with that element of the website.

Unlike the clutter that emerges from my brain on a daily basis and need only travel from my neurons to my fingertips to WordPress, a podcast is a bit more involved.  There are actual wires and buttons and lights and plugs in play.

I wanted to make sure that our podcasts were of a professional quality (I’m speaking from a technical perspective, here.  I certainly don’t warrant that the underlying substance will be anything other than amateurish).  I think we’re at a point where that’s well within the realm of possibility.

So, be patient.  I think we’ll finally have something up in that category sometime this week, or next week at the latest.  If we don’t, feel free to be disappointed.

My strategy in the meantime is to list this post fraudulently under “Podcasts.”

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Review of Books No. 001

Posted on January 27, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Some friends of mine run a blog called The Culturephiles, a link to which may be found on the right sidebar of this site.  The aims of that blog are not entirely dissimilar to those in play here.  The primary difference being that the Culturephiles are admittedly far better-read than I am.

That’s an understatement.  This is a blog that featured “30 Days of Flannery O’Connor” at the end of 2010.  A fresh review of The Known World by Edward P. Jones included the gibberish-to-me line, “In some ways, this book reminded me of Marilynne Robinson’s Gilead . . .”  Other recent takes have included All the Sad Young Literary Men by Keith Gessen, Freedom by Jonathan Franzen, The Sot-Weed Factor by John Barth, Zeitoun by Dave Eggers, and something called Snow by someone called Orhan Pamuk.

I had heard of none of these books.  None of them.  I probably still haven’t.

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Posted in Commentary, Literature, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Slapdash Championship Previews

Posted on January 23, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Just to clarify at the outset – this is not a preview for the World Slapdash Championships, although that would make for an entertaining event, were it non-fictional.

No, instead, I’ll be covering the obvious.

I’m used to writing football previews, but never “bloggy” ones.

In order to get into the spirit of things, I decided I’ll preview today’s games in slapdash, unresearched, impromptu fashion and see how I do.  I’m not even going to tune in to any of the various pregame chuckle-fests.  Here goes:
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The Other Guy(s)

Posted on January 21, 2011 by Tom Garrett

I had planned on doing a comprehensive movie review for 2010’s “The Other Guys,” which I saw last night for the first time.  However, this buddy cop comedy(?) starring Mark Wahlberg as Detective Terry Hoitz and Will Ferrell as Will Ferrell doesn’t really warrant that kind of detailed treatment.

I’ll only hit the highlights: The first Eva Mendes scene was funny.  Michael Keaton was solid.  Duane and Samuel were moderately amusing.  That’s about it.  The story was needlessly complex in a way that helped neither the plot nor the comedy, and the incredibly talented Steve Coogan was completely wasted here.

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Defending the Ryan Family Honor

Posted on January 19, 2011 by Tom Garrett

Fullback Tony Richardson, in response to Wes Welker’s tongue-in-cheek, foot-related comments, after the Jets’ 28-21 victory over the Patriots: “That was personal.  There was no reason to bring family into it.  Rex (Ryan) has a son in 10th grade!”

I want to applaud Richardson’s remarks.  Leave the families out of it!  How dare someone bring up Rex Ryan’s wife spontaneously at an NFL media event!  Even if the intent were humorous (some scoundrels might even say “harmless”), there’s absolutely no place for that kind of self-promoting, non-football-related grandstanding at a press conference!

That Wes Welker is so unprofessional.

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